Tom, dude, where you bin to? It's been two weeks!...

2007-06-18T03:29:00.000-05:00

Tom, dude, where you bin to? It's been two weeks!

Was that you I saw caddying for Bubba Watson at the US Open? It looked like a weedy pasty white guy, who didn't weigh as much as the bag he was carrying ... does that fit your decription? Caddying for Bubba would be tremendous fun, I imagine.

"So, Dave, it's a short, tight, dog-leg par 4 with long, thick rough up both sides, out of bounds on the right and water on the left. What do you think we should do off the tee here?"

"I think, my considered professional opinion, Bubba, is fucking twat it, hard as bollocks. And when you find it, fucking twat it again. Sorted."

That's a recipe for success in the US Open if I ever heard it.

Well done Angel. He is quality.

EveningTom, dude, this was a little unusual ... bu...

2007-06-05T07:46:00.000-05:00

Evening

Tom, dude, this was a little unusual ... but not necessarily in a bad way. I must confess myself to be unfamiliar with the works of Mr Bukowski (should I take him to the thing, right now?) and, once I saw that it was written in verse rather than prose (is that right? It's been a long time since I studied English Literature) I shied away from it for a little, fearing that I would not be able to follow it, or fully appreciate it. But it reads very easily and you still manage to express yourself as eloquently as ever, even using fewer words, which is a very good thing. And some of it even rhymes! Whether that's deliberate or merely fortuitous, I have absolutely no idea.

It's nice that previous players remember you, as you remember them. I guess it's probably easier for them to remember you, since you clearly bust your hump for all your players, and they probably have fewer caddies than you do players for whom you loop. But it is always a good feeling when someone respects and appreciates the work that youy do for them, and wants to repay it in their own way.

There was a line in there "I’ll be with them for 3 days/18, 36, 18/
72 holes of pure joy!" that sounded exactly to me like it belonged in "Whole Lotta Rosie" by AC/DC. Again, whether that was deliberate or not, I dunno, but "Ain't exactly pretty, ain't exactly small/But 42-39-56/You could say she's got it all!" etc etc. AC/DC are a good band ... well, when I say good, I mean good fun.

I would LOVE to learn to swear in a foreign language. How cool would that be? When foreign players come to England to play football, they always say the first thing they're taught in English is how to say all the naughty words and slang. I've played alongside foreigners and they always sound hilarious when they swear in English.

On the previous post, which I did not log on quickly enough to read and comment, Mr Safari sounds like a nobber - a knob-gobbler of the highest order. Some people are just twots, I guess. Although, if Ben Crane was going to kick anyone in the nuts, I would love it to have been that time when he was playing with Rory Sabbatini (I think) in that tournament when Sabbatini kept on walking hundreds of yards ahead of him because they were put on the clock for slow play and Sabbatini got a huffty on. If I was Ben Crane, I would have waited until he was next to a lake or something, then run up to him, walloped him in the hoo-jahs as hard as possible and pushed him in the water while he was bent over double. I cannot think of a single person who witnessed that who would not think it was the funniest thing they had ever seen in the world. How great would that be? Ben Crane would have been my hero for all of eternity. Come on Ben. I know you read this. Next time you see him, do it. Even better, save it for a Major, so I can see it on TV.

Gotta go - next time I'm playing with my buddies, I've now got a plan for when we pass the water hazard.

All the best and keep yourself nice,

David

You're 26?! Your writing and stories have always m...

2007-06-04T23:36:00.000-05:00

You're 26?! Your writing and stories have always made me assume your were an old, grizzled, sun-burnt pine cone that had been kicked around golf courses for years. I guess you're just young and grizzled, which makes you the Huck Finn of golf bloggers. And I love that your problems--thinking that you suck, or that your view of yourself hangs on what your members think of you--are the same problems I have (and I would guess the same as everyone else who reads your blog.) Thanks.

Comments on The Reluctant Jam Boy: Inspired By Bukowski

Tom, dude, where you bin to? It's been two weeks!...

EveningTom, dude, this was a little unusual ... bu...

You're 26?! Your writing and stories have always m...