tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11606874.post4450017166886236794..comments2023-11-03T10:43:31.023-05:00Comments on The Reluctant Jam Boy: Really Really Long PostTom Collinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11022106971991560269noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11606874.post-11876859268668638592007-05-30T10:18:00.000-05:002007-05-30T10:18:00.000-05:00EveningAre you not a senior caddie already? You'v...Evening<BR/><BR/>Are you not a senior caddie already? You've been there a while, now. Have you considered poisoning all those who have been there longer than you until you the longest-serving man left? It's an option, it's all I'm saying. I wouldn't worry too much about only working for one or two players, though. I'm sure that's not practical. If you could get on requests maybe half the week or so, I'm sure that would make life a little less uncertain.<BR/><BR/>I thought you had some regulars, though. What about Mr Nice and his unique "Fuck"? Did he not used to ask for you? I'm sure that's not correct English. Get rid of Scott and then you could go out with Peyton regularly whenever he plays. That Scott ... he's a bugger. He's the one stealing all your benefits like the pro tournaments and the New York penthouses. And he's laughing at you while he does it!<BR/><BR/>Tiger's attorney sounds cool. And Tiger sounds cool as well, away from the cameras. Every account of him from fellow players I've ever read says similar things about him, that he's really down to earth and happy just to joke about and be one of the guys. I think he was brung up proper. I love the way that Tiger always makes sure to mention in TV interviews that he had fun on the course, much more so than most other players I notice apart from, perhaps, Phil, Vijay and John Daly. So may tour pro's seem to whinge if the course plays hard or they play poorly, whereas Tiger & Co. seem to relish it as a challenge. I think Tiger and I would probably get on OK, if he could put up with me constantly swearing and calling him a woofter.<BR/><BR/>The big tournament sounds like great fun, apart from the rangefinder cock and Mr Pissy Pants SBD who can't hit his irons cleanly enough to hit par 3's.<BR/><BR/>"... somewhere a puppy farted happily." That's a truly lovely turn of phrase, old pal. It conjures up such a wonderful image of one of those cute little Andrex puppies really screwing his eyes up and concentrating on what he's doing, squeezing one out and looking really pleased with himself as a beatific smile spreads across his face. Dirty boy! Look what you've done.<BR/><BR/>Hey, go easy now. I'm a 7 handicap and sometimes I play like I'm off 25. It happens. Not often, admittedly, but it happens. Actually, no, it doesn't. That's the whole point of playing off single figures, I think. You're supposed to be able to cut out the really disastrous bits of the game. It IS easy to get on the bogey train, though, and it's a bugger to get off, somtimes.<BR/><BR/>Although you say Mr SBD was a good golfer, most good golfers I've played with (read: better than me and playing off 5 or less) know exactly how they've hit the ball and what kind of swing they've made as soon as the ball has left the club and are happy to admit if they mis-hit it or mis-directed it. It seems to be mainly the mark of those players who like to pretend they're better than they really are who look to blame others for their own shortcomings - it's something I have been guilty of in the past, but I am trying hard to erase from my game. I certainly know when I've put a wanky swing on something or have just missed it and I'm getting better at acknowledging it publicly.<BR/><BR/>I'm truly glad to see that you have instigated kicking in the nuts as an acceptable course of disciplinary action on the course. It is the way forward. Sometimes it's all these bozos understand. It would make you feel 100% better and would instantly make you a legend in the caddie yard. Admittedly, you might not get out again terribly soon, but what a send off. I say save it for the first jack-ass you get after your numbers have come in on the lottery - then you can retire with your head and hands held high while the schmuck writhes on the grass in your wake. What a way to go.<BR/><BR/>Man, I WANT to play in the Tits Open. How great does that sound? What do you have for a trophy? It's gotta be themed. I am the proud owner of a wooden willy engarved "Cock of the Course" at home that was handed out at one of our roll-ups. I've gotta take that back and palm it off on someone else - it makes me look a bit gay to have that sitting on my mantelpiece. Ha, "palm it off on someone else", sounds a bit rude.<BR/><BR/>I don't think I can top that, so I'll finish by saying that I'm so jealous you got to play your course when it was in absolutely perfect condition. It must have been like that time ... you know ... when those dudes came and played it and you worked for those other dudes and one of them was really nice and the other wasn't quite as nice as he seems. And that thing happened with that guy and that other guy and then it all happened, and then ... I'd love to play a championship calibre course in championship condition. I've played quality courses in my time, but not when they've been set up for the pro's or similar. Although I did play a links course earlier in the year and, although I would consider myself to be a better than average putter, I managed to put a 15 footer 20 feet past the hole - ain't no way I was reading that bugger properly.<BR/><BR/>Right, I'm definitely off now. Thank you so much for writing. It was long! Long = good, except when I'm writing long, then it = bollocks.<BR/><BR/>DavidAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11606874.post-31636407057424950732007-05-27T20:31:00.000-05:002007-05-27T20:31:00.000-05:00Great post/story... you can play with me any day!Great post/story... you can play with me any day!New Texanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06216050425313923932noreply@blogger.com