Sunday, June 25, 2006

What is UP?

Greetings everyone.

At the moment I'm sitting in a cubicle in Azusa, California. Outside it is hot and desolate. I am caffeinated, bruised, and trying to figure out if I can make it to the National Porn Convention tomorrow. Wishful thinking I suppose.

My crack-pipe broke, all of my bitches migrated north for the summer, and I am currently stalling before one of the biggest crossroads of my life.

Who am I and what should I be doing with myself?

Strange. I seem to recall having this very same thought last March while surfing the Internet.

So aside from trying to figure out how I can shake Jenna Jameson’s hand, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how I can try to convey to you what the hell I’ve been up to for the past 6 months.

So far, no such luck. So I think instead of trying to organize my experiences from Florida in any rational order, I’m just going to fly by the seat of my pants and stick to the tried and true traditions of this blog. Because how effectively can I communicate my feelings about those backstabbing ho-bags without just coming right out—on a whim mind you—and saying that I worked with quite a few backstabbing ho-bags?

Oh, it feels good to be back.

But for now, I would like to say thank you. Thank you for coming back and visiting. After such a long time away, I didn’t really expect to have any readers left. I figured rumors about crack-smoking (mostly true) and cutting in line at WalMart (regularly, I might add) had been spread far and wide. I’m overjoyed some of you decided to stay and chat. I’m helping out with a movie right now, but when I get back I’ll be sure to give you guys another update.

For those of you who remember me telling you about the last movie I helped out with, I have a link to share with you: The Resident. I'm in the trailer (I'm the stupid looking one screaming my head off).

Come to think of it, you guys might enjoy this too: Holy crap . That's me screaming again, this time traveling around 120 mph.

Unfortunately, that’s all the screaming experiences that I can share at the moment. But don’t worry. When the movie I’m working on right NOW finally gets finished, I’ll let you guys know because once again, there’s a scene where I’M SCREAMING MY HEAD OFF. But I’m dying, so that makes it okay.

See you soon.


Eat Golf said...

Since that was the case, glad you moved on. Seems like you've had a year full of experiences and will kick more a$$ in life because of it.

Good luck buddy,


PS - Might be the beer talking but I've found when trying to learn how to deal with Crossroads (Eugene's Trick Bag) with practice, fingerpicking the arpeggios sound much better than sweeping them :)

Kiwi said...

Dude your alive!!!!! I was sure it was an OD, just kidding mate. Good to have ya back.

BTW my whole life is one big cross roads so your not alone ;)

Love said...

You're funny.

TAdams said...

HE'S BACK!! (I'm my best Jimmy Fallon SNL voice..)

I half expected you to be caddying for the next great up and coming golfer on the PGA Tour. I came to my senses when I remembered that you can't read a putt for shit.

Next, I guessed that you could be the mystery columnist in the latest Golf Digest about caddying for a private course on the east coast. Again, I came to my senses when I rationally thought that Golf Digest would not request a story from a caddy who couldn't read putts for shit. They need to keep SOME standards from dipping, ya know?

Finally, I, with 100% assurance, thought you ran off the your little crack ho and eloped in Vegas where you were high rolling on the strip.

Now you're in Cali? At least I was close with the Vegas bit.

It's good to have you back, Tom.

Anonymous said...

All right, he's finally back. But no longer as Tom the Jam Boy. Now as some skydiving indie actor guy named Steve. Hey, nice Web page, dude.

Jam Boy said...

Holy crap anonymous. I can't believe somebody found that site. I made that back in sophomore year of college. Wow. I look like a doofus.

And tadams...hilarious. You're right. I can't believe I still have a job. I got a little better at reading putts in Florida, but wow. I caddied in a pro-am recently and I think the pro wanted to kill me. He was trying to be nice and let me read a few of his putts, and yeah. I definitely screwed them all up.

I need to figure out how to delete that stupid website.

Jason said...

good old geocities. i remember those days...shitty homepages that everyone made...kind of reminds me of myspace.

anyway good to hear you're still alive -- not laying in a ditch somewhere.

This time don't leave us for so long!

mediaguru @ said...

I thought maybe you died. Glad to have you back.

Hey man, if you shake Jenna's hand, be sure to wear a medical glove. You wouldn't want to pick up any biology experiements...