Wednesday, October 25, 2006

The Houdini Shot

I love it when things are literal. Comedian Mitch Hedberg used to say, "I'd love to see a forklift lift a crate of forks...It would be so damn LITERAL." Well I didn't see a forklift, but something close to it. A cocky Urologist.

On the fourth hole he was even getting a little emotional he was being so FREAKING MODEST. "I would...how can I say this? I would give up most of my distance to be able to add a little more control with my irons."

"You're 127 from the flag. Here's your 7-iron sir."

"Thank you."

Occasionally, he could rip a drive. I'll give him that. But 97.458% of the time he would toe the SHIT out of his shots and you weren't really sure where they were going or how much distance he lost. Every shot of his sounded like crap. And yet he was still bragging about how far he could hit the ball on every hole.

"How far was that drive?"

"About 260."

"That's far. I mean...is it just me? That's really far. Have you ever seen a drive go that far?"

No. Absolutely not.

And on 9 he created a new term in the "caddie lingo" dictionary. The Houdini shot. The 9th at my course is a downhill par 3. Today it was playing about 165. I graciously handed him his 4-iron and took at step back to see where his "flushed" 4-iron would go. He took a mighty swing, a quarry-esque divot and finished with a nice Mark McGwire follow-thru. His divot broke apart into 6 separate pieces and flew in all directions, three of them landing on the lower tee box, two flying into the side rough and one of them impaling a squirrel. After it was all over with and we all checked in to make sure everyone was okay (except for the squirrel...I suspect it will probably be pissing blood for the next week), the member turned to me.

"Did you see where that went?"

"Umm...no."

I started laughing. I don't think I've ever experienced that before. A Houdini shot. My own personal definition: A shot involving so much spectacle that the audience (playing partner(s)) has no idea where the ball went. I'm sure while I was watching the dirt slowly impale that squirrel the cocky Urologist could've snatched my wallet and none would be the wiser. Maybe that's how he REALLY makes his money. Although, given the contents of my wallet, he'd have better luck robbing some little girls' lemonade stand at 8:30 in the morning if it was PROFIT he was thinking about.

1 comment:

English Dave said...

Evening all

I was playing with a couple of my buddies during the summer, one of whom is a relative newcomer to the game and plays off 24. Stood on the 11th tee, he took an enormous swipe with the club head travelling at about a million miles per hour, cracking the sound barrier and making an enormous boom. My other friend looked up down the fairway, as you would, but couldn't see the ball anywhere. Simon, the 24 handicapper on the tee, had just managed to make the tiniest contact with the ball, right on the outside edge furthest away from him and the ball had just trickled back between his legs and had come to rest against his left foot. I saw this and was pissing myself laughing, very sympathetically, and Steve (friend 2) couldn't understand what was tickling me so, desperately searching for something travelling down the fairway as he was.

That's the closest I've ever come to the "Houdini shot". Actually, I reckon that takes more talent than merely duffing it. How do you hit it so fine with such a full swing that it travels about two feet at exactly 90 degrees and nestles against your big toe? Man, that's skill. Simon's got GAME.

Off-topic, regarding your earlier post about streaks, I can't match the bunkers but I did single putt 8 greens on the trot on Saturday. Admittedly, half of them were because I had missed the green and had chipped it to within 6 feet or so, but there were 3 birdies in there as well. Can anyone beat 8 in a row? Oh, piss off, you're just showing off. And that's my game. Sorry fatso.