Wednesday, July 06, 2005

(Hopefully) Quick Post

I need to apologize. You know, it feels like I've been doing this more and more lately, and for THAT, I am sorry. But I HATE not being able to post every day. When I first started this blog, my main goal was to update at least every other day to keep the site fresh and interesting. But lately, I feel like dogs in HEAT have better opportunities to write than I do.

Random side-note, but here's a little more about me: I am (or was) a people-pleaser. I know this may come as a shock to many of you. You're probably sitting there reading these posts thinking to yourself, "Man, that is one sarcastic dude. He probably doesn't take shit from anyone."

Well, I do. Or at least I DID at one point in my life, and for a while, I've been good. I've been doing my own thing and haven't really stopped to think about what anybody else thought of it. Again, I cite this blog as an example. For a while I was using REAL names and REAL places. Dumb, yes, but again, I really didn't care.

Now I don't really want to go into this because it's a ridiculously long and complicated story with lots of big words, but I broke up with my girlfriend of 2 years about 3 months ago and since then, I've been a little "off." I suppose I should thank her, because she gave me enough anger and frustration to pick apart every one of my loops and bring that frustration out in sarcastic metaphors and paragraphs to share with the general public. Without all of that, I wouldn't have been able to meet all of you. I love you guys. I literally feed off of your comments. They've definitely put a smile on my face when I thought nothing would. So thank you.

So what does this all mean? Well, from what I can tell, not much. I haven't really arrived at the point yet. But I'm getting there.

So where were we. Oh yeah. So I was happy and innocent, then I got my heart broken and became highly indifferent and bitterly sarcastic and critical of the world around me, became a caddie and decided to take out some of my frustration in writing, and now I'm sitting here 3 months later feeling a little better about myself, but sad that I'm not finding the time I would like to write.

Now I know it sounds bad, but the last couple of nights were taken up with drinking, gambling, golf, and more gambling. When I get home I usually take one look at my computer and crap my pants while I cry myself to sleep. I'm always exhausted.

But I think I've figured out a solution. In an effort to get more sleep and be able to post more often, I'm going to say SCREW my friends for awhile and simply work and write. I know it's not the IDEAL situation, but I feel before I get too much on my plate I'm going to have to cut back and start all over again. Because as any of you who have ever survived a harsh break-up would know, when you get out of a long-term relationship you lose a piece of yourself. You start forgetting what it is that you actually LIKED at one point in your life. Before I just start doing what everyone else wants to do (the old people-pleasing side of me), I need to take a little more "me time" and write. Because it is rather theraputic. Plus, I need to be able to flex my brain once in a while because if I didn't write, that would mean that my life would consist of only 4 things: eating, sleeping, working, and watching Sportscenter. I would be a high-school dropout (albeit well-informed of the sports' world) stuck in a college graduates' body. My phrase of choice would be "duhhhh" and my only joy would come in bottles of beer. Cheap light beer. And there's NO WAY I'm letting that happen. I'm going to drink some GREAT beer, start reading more books, writing more posts, lifting at the gym (to give me some freakin' bulk for cryin' out loud) and THEN hang out with some of my friends if there's time. I mean, to be honest, I will have MONTHS to myself when I'm working this new Caddie Master job, so I may have to re-think this schedule a bit, but for right now, I really need to get my brain working again. Plus, I miss hearing from you guys. You can't really leave feedback if there's nothing new to read.

So right now I'm going to read a little bit and fall asleep. There's a special tourament going on tomorrow so I should have NO problem writing tomorrow night. Take care everyone.

5 comments:

Allen DiLiegro said...

All I can say to this is THANK GOD!!! This blog is like a drug, and Im a junkie...you know, you give a little for free and then stop that once Im hooked. That is almost what it felt like when I opened this blog every night expecting more and there was no more...only the same thing I saw for three days. It was really upsetting. :)

Seriously, dude, it's gonna be good for ALL of us if you write more. Believe it or not, it's theraputic for us to.

Jam Boy said...

Thanks so much for the comment. That's great to hear. I'm looking forward to posting tonight. It's time to get this show on the road again.

Shanks said...

Awwww, JB, you have GOT to include an occasional side-bar on this relationship flame-out. As much as I love your golf blog, this is a deep well of material too.

Good luck on the caddie-master gig.

CJ said...

JB - your posts make me laugh ! the OKM and a hottie reminded me of a loop i was caddying for (I do about 10 loops a year !) he was so upset when he missed a putt he couldn't hit the ball out of his way for the next 3 holes !
rock on !

JCJ said...

I have to admit I am totally addicted to your site like a lot of other people. I actually went back and read all the old posts. Keep them coming!!